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Posts Tagged ‘taboo’

April 4

Things I’m Not Supposed to Say

I’m forbidden from mentioning my mother
or my parents’ divorce, the scars
on my knees from that bike accident in ‘76
or the tonsils that still reside
in my throat, silently wasting away.

I also can’t mention my son
and his sensitive bowels,

his stitches, the nights he wakes

babbling in a language all his own

that I record and try to decode using
only his silent hand signals as a key.

I’ve vowed not to write about my
husband or our sex life; I’ve sworn
not to translate my neuroses
into metaphors like small stones
I worry in my pocket, the pocket
of my brain where all the language
is precise and taboo.

I’ve told people I won’t write
about this (your nightmares
featuring werewolves) or that
(his inability to please her
sexually), but in truth

I can only think about
what I can’t say, the words
that rise, quickly, to my fingertips

the metaphors that occupy my mind
like children, wanting to be born
but knowing, in their non-existent brains,
that their fate is that of ideas
that never see daylight, off-limits,
too much, aborted.

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